Ask The Intern: Private Islands
Some people say three strikes, you’re out. I’m more of a “third time’s the charm” type of person.
This is my third Ask The Intern so… abiding by these standards, this article may be the best thing you’ve ever read. I guess you’ll just have to read it to believe it. Your call if you thought the first or second were better. Here we go:
Ask Away: Who acts the most boss-like, and who is more of the father figure in the office?
Most boss-like? They honestly divide it up pretty well amongst the group. But I’ll provide you with a name(s) to this question later on.
Father figure? I feel like we don’t have a big enough age gap for any of the guys to be a “father figure” to me, but I guess now's a good time more than ever to reluctantly admit I see all of them as role models most of the time. Emphasis on “most of the time.”
I’m expecting a baby boy in June. What name do you like: Theo, Grayson, or Fitz (short for Fitzpatrick).
The aforementioned Will and Fritz deFries
I really hope you’re not relying on a 21-year-old to make a lifelong commitment, but I’ll give you my best. I personally like the name “Fitz,” and I have a feeling that the full name, Fitzpatrick, has some deeper meaning. It’s giving “runs in the family” vibes. I also love when someone has a cute nickname, but do you think those should come naturally or is it normal to name a kid their nickname? I’m not sure, which is why I figured you had some family ties with “Fitzpatrick.” It’s also extremely close to “Fritz,” but honestly if you don’t want to think of Will every time you look at your kid, go with Theo. I don’t love the name Grayson. I don’t have a specific reason, but Grayson just doesn’t do it for me. Also, cursive may be “out” but imagine how cool “Fitz” would look on his signature?
In an alternate universe, what do you think all the guys would be doing if Washed didn’t exist?
It almost makes too much sense
Dave would be a lawyer. Not my lawyer, but a lawyer nonetheless.
Will would want to be a judge on America’s Next Top Model but would probably only get a cameo during the Makeovers episode. Alternatively, he would be a part of the Bachelor Franchise.
Randy would work toward collaborating with Tim Robinson as a co-star on “I Think You Should Leave” but would be too eager to work there like the guy in “The Menu.” He would probably get fired and become a swordsman instead.
I’m not sure why, but I see Dillon trying to make it on Shark Tank for some invention. Mark Cuban would strike him a deal and the rest is history.
Brett would most likely do something in sports medicine. He wouldn’t necessarily practice medicine, he would just enter the field to get his massages comped. (Editor’s Note: I think this is illegal? Both the fake practicing of medicine and the comped massages within my profession?)
Could Will pull off cowboy boots regularly?
I’m an advocate for cowboy boots. Always have been, always will be. I’m not sure if that’s the Texas roots in me, but I feel like all guys could pull off cowboy boots regularly if they just style their fit correctly. Doesn’t need to be anything too serious. A pair of jeans with a shirt and a shacket will suffice. Will wears this fit everyday, and replacing Vans with boots will only elevate his style. Maybe I’m pro boots because I’m tall and it really gives a guy a boost without stepping out in high heels at the club, or I just like to reminisce on the times when I pulled up to school absolutely stunting on everyone in my cowboy boots. I now see how I could've been classified as a “horse girl” but to each their own.
What gif reminds you of each person in the office (including yourself)?
Me. All day, everyday.
Brett when he comes up with a torch meme.
Will when he whips out his skateboard.
Randy when the guys change the recording schedule.
Dillon when he pulls up to the office in his red Jordans
Dave when he’s asked to go on a snack run.
Fast forward 10 years - tell us how your time at Washed influenced where you are today.
It’s scary for me to think that I will be almost 32 years old in 10 years. Not because 32 is considered “old” but because so much changes in a year, let alone 10 years. If I told my freshman year self about where I am now and how much my life has changed, I would be shell shocked. I’ve been lucky enough to attend college in such an amazing city with countless opportunities. So, how did I end up at Washed? Your guess is as good as mine. Where will I be in 10 years? Absolutely no clue, but I am confident that wherever I end up, I’ll always have a connection to Washed. Whether it be job related or just life in general, I know the experiences I’ve had and the time I’ve spent at Washed thus far will play a role in shaping my future self. Ok, I’ll stop with the sappy responses. No need to gag.
What would you do if you were stranded on an island with all the guys.
Dillon would also definitely do this at least once
I’ve seen enough episodes of “Survivor” to know that we would need to start building shelter immediately. Randy and Dillon would gather the wood, Will would start weaving the reeds, Dave would look for a secure home base by clean water, Brett would try to spear fish, and I would immediately start looking for an immunity idol. Everything would go smoothly for the first week until the food rations start to dwindle and Dave realizes his ‘Za card doesn’t apply on the island. Tensions would start to run high, and paranoia would set in. In order to pass the time, we would play mindless games until Will starts treating the morning catch like an Omakase experience. Rookie mistake. He would wake up the next morning to an empty camp with Jeff Probst standing above him saying, “The Tribe has spoken.”
Who’s the de-facto boss of the office?
I’m sure everyone has different opinions on who they think is the “de-facto boss” of the office, but I’m glad you asked for my take. I’m gonna keep it short because I really don’t have much of an explanation but I would say Will, or honestly Randy on a good day. Ok, next question.
What would be your death row meal?
Just a mondo sack of Nerds Clusters, please.
😍😍😍
Do you think Washed is reaching its full potential?
I don’t think any company ever reaches their “full potential” because if they did, there would be nothing left to strive for or improve upon. So, no. I don’t think Washed has reached its full potential because we don’t have a Whole Foods hot bar in the office yet.
What made you decide to come back to Washed?
I don’t recall ever leaving? But maybe you know something I don’t.
Dillon, Will or Dave… who’s the cult leader in an Armageddon scenario?
Good question. I wouldn’t necessarily trust any of them to be the cult leader in an Armageddon scenario, but I would like to imagine what each of them would do:
Will would go to HEB to gather firewood to burn down the city, but would retreat after realizing that inflation made firewood prices skyrocket. After accepting defeat, he would go home, trim the wicks on his candle, and turn on “This Is The End” to set a vibe. (2nd Editor’s Note: Will has never seen This Is The End. Kinda weird, right?)
Dillon would try to go sicko mode but would underestimate the power of his enemies. After giving up on his Alpha status, he would slowly make his way to Will’s house to hang with the homies.
I would honestly have the most faith in Dave to save the world. He would recruit a well-rounded team and plan for the attack. His only downfall would be turning down a boys night, and after hearing about Dillon and Will’s vibe party, the world would be on thin ice. He would snag a bottle of wine and pack of Earlybird and make his way to the last kickback ever.
Would you rather learn to drive on the other side of the road or learn to write with your non-dominant hand?
I would 10000% rather learn to write with my non-dominant hand. As a lefty, this was the easiest question to answer. I would use the skill of writing with both hands way more than I would hypothetically find myself driving on the other side of the road. I don’t frequent London or Australia, so learning to drive on the other side of the road would be an annoying person thing to do. Seriously though, imagine if some random girl was telling you that she wants to learn how to drive on the other side of the road for shits and giggles. Her name is probably Elizabeth and she definitely daydreams about how she’s the Queen, reincarnated. I would not like Elizabeth. She would not like me.
What’s it like working with a bunch of dudes in the office who are mostly in their 30s??
I’m sure my answer to this question would be different if you asked me 8 months ago, but it’s honestly like hanging out with my friends. I’ll admit I was definitely intimidated by the guys at first because of how well they knew each other and the age gap, but I feel like I’ve been around enough that I’ve infiltrated the vibe. You have daily conversations about being a parent contrasted with life as a college student so we definitely have different outlooks on things. Either I act older than I am or they act younger than they are… Could be a mix of the two. Definitely a mix of the two.
If you’ve always been a 3 strikes you’re out type of person, I hope I’ve made you at least a tiny bit more optimistic about things that come in 3’s.