Ask The Intern: Pass The Aux
Are you a fan of hors d'oeuvres? I’m not.
Sure, they’re delicious tiny masterpieces that consume your mouth in flavors you’ve never tasted, but that’s the problem. They blue ball your stomach, just edging for your appetite. Worst of all, they leave you wanting more.
I feel like I served you a mouthwatering plate of hors d'oeuvres when I answered your questions for the first time, and I’m sorry if I left you hanging.
I’m back for round 2.
You provided a silver platter of questions for me to answer. The perfect opportunity to chef up some tasty hors d'oeuvres.
I hope you’re hungry.
Stan, mute, cancel… Dave, Will, Dillon.
Oof. This one’s hard. I feel like I could stan, mute and cancel all of them on different days. No part of me wants to assign the last two options to anyone, so I’ll just start with the first.
I’m choosing to stan Dave for this one, but I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe it has to do with his perfect pencil jump? That qualifies him to be stanned, right? The next two options are about to throw off the vibe in the office. With no explanation necessary, I would mute Will and cancel Dillon. Okay, next question.
Who do you think would be the easiest to trip?
I started visualizing myself individually tripping all of the guys and could not keep a straight face. Part of me wants to actually test this question in real life, but I don't think it would end well for me. Instead, I will be listing off what move I think each of the guys would do to avoid trippage.
Brett would do like a ninja type jump only to land on my foot that decided to come back for seconds.
Randy would probably just let me trip him for the bit.
Will would fall hard and fast. Immediate damage.
Dave would give me a “wtf are you doing” look to throw me off. What he wouldn’t realize is that I slicked the ground while tripping Will. Down goes Dave.
Something in me is telling me not to trip Dorn.
Has the Manchester Utd. sock challenged you to a game of FIFA yet?
I have yet to be challenged by The Sock to a game of FIFA. Maybe he’s scared he’ll lose? I'm not sure. But I am willing to take on the challenge when it presents itself.
Are you every hyper curious of what your unspoken characteristic is that stands out in the guys heads? Do you wonder what yours would be?
First of all, chill.
Second of all, congrats on successfully getting in my head. I have never once thought about my unspoken characteristic until right now. I feel like this is a tough question to answer, so let’s just dive into my past— why don’t we? I have always been told that I come across as intimidating, but deep down I’m more of a simp than Drake. Simp for my friends, simp for my family, simp for my job. I just pray my unspoken characteristic doesn’t make anyone compare me to a sock or a cigar store Native American chief…
If you had to rank Will, Dave, and Dorn's dogs best to worst, what would your rankings be and why?
I love dogs. I love ranking things. What I do not have a habit of doing is ranking dogs, but I guess I’ll do it for you. I only recently found out that Dave and Dorn’s dogs were related, and I feel like it’d be strange to rank one over the other based on looks. Since I’ve only met Dave’s dog, I have to put dog Randy at the top of my list.
I’ll leave it up to Human Randy to rank the rest. He says dog Randy is the best because he has the best name. Clearly a biased opinion, but I’m not arguing. Then Rosie, “she's the OG,” then Stella. And there you have it.
What kind of vibe do each of the guys give off?
Yesterday, we were all talking and came to the conclusion that Brett looked like he gave off a “never been to Walmart” vibe.
In an alternate universe I can clearly see Dave working as a whale trainer at Universal Studios. I couldn’t tell you why, but I’m getting whale whisperer vibes.
Will screams childlike dad vibe who really wants to do a lemonade stand for himself. So, he had a kid to make it not weird.
Dillon gives off Dorn vibes. Not quite sure what his deal is, but definitely Dorn vibes.
Last, but not least, is Randy. I feel like if I had never met Randy, I would see him as a crowdsurf/mosh pit extraordinaire. He’s for sure a “down for a good time” viber.
Who does the most bits off mic?
Hmm. All of the guys are good at doing bits off mic, but I think Randy takes the cake for out of office bits on his personal social media accounts. Some of my favorites:
His most recent bit, “The vibe guard.”
Sloppy steaks. They never miss.
I just recently came across his “New Boot Goofin’“ one. Genuine ostrich, 3 payments.
Did you actually listen to the podcasts before applying or was this more of a “need a summer job” move?
If I’m being completely honest, I first came across Washed when I told myself I “need a summer job.” But before you cancel me, I did listen to the podcasts before I decided to apply. I started out with Cold Stove because, at the time, the NHL Playoffs were just starting and I wanted to hear Brett’s opinions on the Stars. That is not why I continued with the process, LOL.
I moved onto Circling Back to get a feel for the other guys which just reaffirmed why I wanted to work at Washed. Then I just showed up at the office one day, and now I’m answering all of your questions. What started out as a “need a summer job” move has quickly turned into the best summer of my life. I’m kidding, kind of. But that’s enough of this mushy gushy story time. Onto the next.
What’s your taste in music? And out of Will, Dave and Dillon, who are you passing the aux to?
I feel like it depends on my mood. I’m also a strong believer in playing for the crowd if you’ve been granted control over the aux. So, I’ll start by describing my current taste in music using one of those apps based on my listening history.
I always wonder how they come up with the names to describe certain genres of music. Mine included the basics like rap, pop and EDM, but then there's some that get really specific like psychedelic rock or stomp-and-holler. I apparently listen to a genre of music called “britishinvasion” (with no spaces) and “conscious hip-hop.” And for some reason they make sense. I guess I would agree that I am conscious of hip-hop, and it adds up that Odesza would be considered “chillwave” and Disclosure as more “tropical house” vibes.
Anyway, my key players shuffle around Billie Eilish, J. Cole, Odesza, Mac Miller, Kota the Friend, Anderson .Paak and other artists that make me stomp-and-holler. To answer the second part of the question, I would pass the aux to Will. He seems like he can vibe with britishinvasion.
FMK but with other stuff — Austin bar scene: Rainey, West 6th, Dirty 6th.
Definitely kill Dirty 6th. It’s not the safest area and the bars are filled with either freshman in college or random old men. Trust me, I got my fair share of Dirty 6th bars during my first few years in Austin. I can now confidently say I will not be returning until we run it back after graduation for the bit.
I am recently 21, so I have yet to explore all of Rainey to its full potential. From the times I’ve been, I’ve loved it. I feel like I can't fully marry Rainey because I don’t know it that well, and I’m pretty sure they’re tearing it down which makes it a perfect candidate for a one night stand.
Marriage is the ultimate commitment, but West 6th is definitely an eligible bachelor. It has Bufords, Ranch, Greenlight, WTF, and so many other options that would prevent boredom in my marriage. I guess I’m saying if West 6th proposed, I wouldn’t have many oppositions.
Compare the Washed characters to characters in a movie/show.
My mind went immediately to the Kardashians.
Randy is Kylie. 2015 Kylie. Tyga Kylie. Jordyn Woods Kylie.
Brett is Kourtney. She loves posting blogs so this one felt right for Brett.
Will is Kim just trying to find her style after divorcing Kanye.
Dave is Kris. I have been “getting Krissed” left and right lately. I’m not sure how to explain the action of Krissing, but I’m Krissing Dave.
Dillon is Khloe, but like the reinvented Khloe. She works out. I don’t know.
I guess that leaves me and Kendall left. Weird how the cookie crumbles.
What’s next for Calli in 2022?
You got me there. Uhh… I’m still in school, so I’ll be grinding until graduation. Other than that I have no clue. Maybe I’ll pick up golfing and sweep the competition. Or I could figure out what the hell an NFT is. For now, I’ll use the “I have school” excuse. If you have any ideas for what I should do next in 2022, please help a girl out.
Unfortunately, I’m all out of hors d'oeuvres. All of those delicious, flavor filled bites are gone.
Did I leave you wanting more?
If you’re still hungry, you can always give me more ingredients by asking a question below. Until next time.