Did Martha Stewart Just Post The Cockiest Throwback Thursday In History?
My aesthetic this summer is Martha Stewart. That’s it. Just Martha Stewart.
I know, I know, I’ve written three columns on the new Washed Media blog and two of them have had featured images of Martha Stewart. I simply can’t apologize for that because, well, I’m not sorry.
I was already big-in on her Queen-Tier Hermès Cardigan Jacket, but now I’m even more in on something else that’s been long forgotten by the masses — Throwback Thursday.
Let’s break this masterpiece down part-by-part.
Martha’s Drip
Unrivaled. I can smell her perfume from here, and that’s a good thing. I don’t know what that fabric is, but I know what it feels like because I’ve hugged other people’s moms before.
That necklace? It’s her party necklace. Nice but not gaudy. Colorful but not the centerpiece. Frames her neckline the ornate gold surrounding the Mona Lisa — you don’t notice it but when you do, it’s beautiful.
Hair? Perfect. Next question.
The Caption
I’m truly in awe of this caption. While the photo brought me in, her caption made me stay and order a drink.
I have no choice but to go sentence-by-sentence.
Whatever happened to TBT??? Is it no longer a “thing”?
Literally the perfect Mom Caption™ from the very beginning. In my world, TBTs were not even no longer thing but they were an embarrassment to put on your timeline. She dispelled that entire mindset with her blatant disregard for 2021 Instagram norms.
Furthermore, I can feel the quotations around “thing.” It’s when someone says something but also throws their hands up next to their head and kind of shakes them around. They aren’t doing air quotes, but they’re doing enough that you know they’re making an absolute mockery of the word.
Well, anyway here is one for the books.
Babe Ruth. September 30th, 1932. Martha Stewart. March 24, 2021. The only to people to ever call their shots and back. them. the. fuck. up.
She didn’t say, “Here’s a special one.” She didn’t type, “Here’s a fun one.” She wrote here is one for the fucking BOOKS. Put that in your Encyclopedia Brittanica and take it to the bank. Make it into an NFT if you want to (Disclaimer: I am not a financial consultant nor do I know how NFTs work).
@seenbysharkey and me in east Hampton a couple years ago on the way to an event or dinner or party
Didn’t even realize this Sharkey dude was in the photo until I saw his name in the caption — that’s how strong Martha’s performance is here.
East Hamptons flex? Done. Vague timeline? Check. Having no idea if it was an “event” or “dinner”? Just using the word “event” in this manner is class.
Summer of Martha. See everyone at the pool posting thirst traps once the temperature gets right.