What Your Method Of "Quiet Quitting" Says About You

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or, just have a life and aren’t perpetually online like yours truly), you’ve assuredly heard the term “Quiet Quitting” thrown around in some capacity lately.

The recently popularized catch-all LinkedIn buzzphrase that’s loosely affiliated with the idea that “nobody wants to work anymore” has seen its fair share of commentary and criticism bandied about the business inclined social media spheres. It’s been described as not outright quitting your job, but quitting the idea of going above and beyond to try and advance within it due to a perceived lack of motivation or growth potential.

Everyone from poolside eGirls claiming to be working from home to TikTok influencers that have never seen the inside of a cubicle have sung its praises of late, which admittedly might be a bit of a red flag. These are the people who claim to be “so much more productive from home,” which really means they’re several seasons deep into a Love Island UK binge which has taken place during work hours, and the big bad corporate overlords will have to pry their Roku clicker from their cold dead hands – even if their numbers are down for a second straight quarter.

Don’t be so quick to judge these people, though. The flip side of their somewhat dubious argument in favor of the quiet quitting/work from home/great resignation is those who’d have us all completely eschew work-life balance in favor of keeping the great chain of productivity moving at a brisk pace (read: line their pockets at the expense of your time and mental wellbeing).

Count “Shark Tank’s” Kevin O’Leary among them, who recently made some comments in response to the idea of Quiet Quitting. Predictably, the multi-millionaire mogul touts the all-in grindset mentality that would make your favorite comically self-indulging motivational twitter accounts proud in an article posted to CNBC:

Why do these portraits always have weird lighting

“But, “quiet quitting is a really bad idea,” says O’Leary, an investor and star of ABC’s “Shark Tank.” And that’s true for multiple reasons, he says. First: Employers value hungry, keen workers. “People that go beyond to try to solve problems for the organization, their teams, their managers, their bosses, those are the ones that succeed in life,” O’Leary says. O’Leary himself says he looks to hire people who are willing to put in “25 hours a day, eight days a week.” If you’re shutting off your laptop at 5 p.m. and going home, “you’re not working for me,” he says.”

In his heart of hearts, O’Leary probably believes what he’s saying here, and likely practices what he preaches. That’s all well and good when you’re talking about high level entrepreneurship and there are millions of dollars on the line, but for the average working stiff who humps a hellish commute to a cramped office every day, it’s hard to see his remarks as anything but tone deaf.

Especially if you have good reason to hate your job. I’m not one of these people, but there are certainly times where I have been. Most recently, things took a turn for the worse at my first job out of college, with implementation of new leadership that spearheaded cost cutting measures, and cultural changes creating what could be kindly described toxic environment.

It was in those days and over the years at other jobs that I didn’t particularly care for, that I saw Quiet Quitting taking place all around me. It was something that I inherently understood but didn’t have any phrasing to put to, like the time that I learned I wasn’t actually having an alcohol and caffeine induced psychotic break, but actually just experiencing “Sunday Scaries.”

Now that I think back on what I saw and have words to put to it, I find the whole idea of Quiet Quitting to be pretty damn amusing. The idea of putting in for the bare minimum in exchange for a solid but unspectacular payday as you prioritize other important things (like, say, cutting social media clips for a small-to-midsized podcasting company) is something I think we’ve all been able to relate to at one point or another.

So rather than continue to wade into politically adjacent conversations surrounding the phenomenon, I’d like to examine how it’s done. We all have a little Peter Gibbons in us, so when the time comes for you to cut the cord on putting in an extra effort, which one of these people will you be? And more importantly, what does that say about you in the best of times?

Let’s find out!

Business Comfortable

If the clothes make the man, then the guy on month three of having quietly quit from a corporate desk job is a slovenly piece of shit. Or, he’s at the point where he’s not afraid to start to visually represent the fact that he’s mentally checked out from this job and is already somewhere else in his mind.

Which is where? Well, that depends on the fashion choices. In place of the crisp, slim fitting chinos and monochrome Van Heusen traveler shirts is a new wardrobe. But is it giving Margaritaville, or are they more of a ski bum?

When things got particularly bad at my old job a co-worker of mine who had previously been very well put together began to opt for the latter look, donning joggers, crewnecks, and Herschel Supply Co. Beanies on the daily. His transformation from young executive in training when the going was good, to extra on the set of the hypothetical 2022 reboot of “Out Cold” truly warmed my heart.

Editors note: I’d watch the fuck out of a 2022 reboot of Out Cold and am now writing the screen play for a future column.

And that’s what I think this route says about you. If you used to head into the office every day with a perfectly ironed button down tucked into some comfortably snug khakis feeling ready to crush it and pursue a raise or a promotion, and are suddenly rocking Hawaiians over your yardwork jeans and New Balance every day, you might be quietly quitting.

Fashionably Late

“6:20? Eh, I’ll let it snooze for a few minutes, I’ve got plenty of alarms set.”

…

“6:45? I’ll give it another five. What’s the harm?”

…

“7:22? Fuck.”

Around 8:31, this person strolls into the office with sunglasses on, a $6 coffee in hand, and is sure to throw a few zingers into the daily morning call that they joined halfway through to put out the vibe that despite his or her lack of punctuality, things are proceeding on a business-as-usual basis. This could be a joke about the traffic on the way in, lightly alluding to their lateness, or something more general like the score of last night’s game.

These are always great way to get everyone laughing as the day is getting going, and to endear this person to their coworkers. “Man, that Fashionably Late guy or gal is so funny. And can you really blame them for running a little behind this morning? Last night’s game did go to extras, after all.”

When things are going well, and your lateness is indeed still seen as fashionable rather than a detriment, than you might be the easy-breezy Jeff Spicoli of the office that everyone dreams of being, but is too scared to try. Just don’t be shocked when one day you roll up to the front door at 8:37 and your key card no longer works.

Lunch Beers

If you aren’t personally Quiet Quitting but you know someone who is, you’d prefer it to be this person. Picture it: you’re knee deep in reviewing a quote you’ve spent hours on that you know has no chance of ultimately selling, when all of a sudden, you hear a slight jingling behind you.

This is not a shot at Applebee’s. I love Applebee’s.

You turn around to see your old pal Lunch Beers, jingling the keys to his refurbed Ford Focus. He’s been in a state of professional disaffection after being passed over for a promotion yet again has decided to manifest his Quiet Quitting era in the form of a rebellion that only the suburban cube monkey knows: blowing off the office for an hour and a half to descend upon his local chain restaurant of choice, and draining a few cold domestics on the company dime.

Lunch Beers is always a great hang, but you don’t necessarily want to be Lunch Beers. This became especially clear to you after his attempt to get the number of a Hooter’s waitress got weirdly emotional when his recent divorce came up, and the two of you drove back to the office in uncomfortable silence.

All of this is to say, you’re rooting for Lunch Beers, but if you become this person (even amidst the dreamy haze of a carefree Quiet Quit period), you might have bigger problems to deal with than just your continued employment. Or, getting fired/actually quitting would provide the necessary moment of clarity to move on from a job you’re not happy in; such is the power of a good lunch beer, I suppose.

You’re “waiting to hear back from them”

This person is all of the lack of professionalism of Fashionably Late, without any of the fun of Lunch Beers. In fact, they’re actually kind of a pain in the ass. Essentially, I'm prefacing this one by saying loud and clear, don’t be this person.

I’m fairly neutral on the eGirls vs. The O’Leary’s of the world when it comes to debating the merits of actually trying hard at your job, but if there’s one thing that will make me come down hard on the side of Mr. Wonderful, it’s someone being so checked out to the point that it makes my life harder.

This person seemingly goes out of their way to never pick up the phone, not get back to your emails, and when they do, it’s a half-assed explanation detailing how they’re “too busy to help you with every little thing you send their way.” Unlike the oftentimes jovial experience of dealing with Lunch Beers and Fashionably Late, this person seems inconvenienced by the fact that they’ve quietly quit, sporting a surly attitude, and a poor response time to match.

And fittingly, it’s inevitable that this is one of the people that you have to rely on to get your job done in an effective fashion, which is enough to make liable to start showing up late, or sneaking out for a few pints with the lads at lunchtime. If so, that’s alright, just be sure to respond to emails in a timely fashion – you're good enough for that, at least.