TEXAS BBQ

So you’re in the mood to eat enough food to feed a small village and put the rest of the night in jeopardy? Good. You picked a great city to do it. 

Texas BBQ can be debated vs the others in terms of quality but you’re not here to nitpick. Whatever you throw together on that plate you’ll say “tastes phenomenal” because it’s a meal you have once or twice a quarter. It’s comfort food on steroids in a location that’s renowned for just that. 

The columns you’ve read beforehand and the masterclass you were inexplicably charged for point to Aaron Franklin of Franklin Barbecue. He’s got one of those awards that people love to talk about and sells out of meat regularly before 1pm. If you want to get into that world because you want the Heady Topper of brisket, go for it. I’m just saying there are other options you’ll enjoy plenty. 

Barring a drive outside of town, you and the crew hit Terry Blacks on Barton Springs in search of ribs that fall off the bone, brisket as good as I mentioned before, and sausages that compete with Johnny Sins. Throw in a few sides (potato salad and mac & cheese) and your plate is a work of art. 

Be advised, this decision will do a few things to the bachelor party vibe. One, it will absolutely tank any active afternoon activity you had on the brain. No golf, no gun range, no pool hopping, etc. The entire group will get quiet and spend more time checking emails than conversing and “man I could use a nap” will be thrown around in between wiping the meat sweats from foreheads. Oblige if you have the time. 

Two, any idea of a steakhouse for dinner after a BBQ lunch should be thrown out the window. No one will really want to do that and two doses of that much protein in a day would land you a spot in The Mitchell Report. 

Get the sprinter van back to the parking lot and maybe put a plate together for the driver that you’ve undoubtedly created what you think is a special bond after constantly mispronouncing his name for 24 hours. 

++: Valentina’s, Lamberts, and Micklethwait can also be put in the game plan depending on where you’re at. Texas is known for its brisket, but always get ribs and burnt ends (if you’re lucky) as well. End with some banana pudding wherever you go and thank me later.